7 March 2016

First Kiss

As of July 2011 | Written May 2014.

I took long deep breaths as my chin rested on your shoulders the moment you said “yea”, smirking in that silly face of yours as you slide your glasses back onto the dorsum of your nose. Hey don’t tease me for my silly way of referencing Peter Pan and for using the word thimble instead. But boy, we sure did know where it was leading us. I remembered as my fingers entwined onto yours, coyly playing along with the way your fingers trembled against mine. I can always recall back those little butterflies dancing inside my stomach walls; the tingling warmth that prances against the surface of my skin; my hands perspiring as it refuses to let go of its contact with yours. I knew, somewhere in between the tiny surfaces of our skin that touched was an overwhelming chemistry, an unnerving feeling, and definitely something that came from the surface of my emotions. Heck, it was undeniably transient and instant gratifying, which, ironically, have reverberated through my somewhat aching heart.

Your eyes glared straight at me as the distance between our eyes were perfectly close enough for me to have seen the tiny wrinkles, pimples, and every little imperfect complexions of your face. I shot a smile, barely moving my hands as it weakens with the thoughts of running them into your bristly, messy hair. I blushed just a little as your subtle simper rendered my frail heart ill at ease. Everything felt raw, just too awkward for the past maybe thirty, forty minutes and just like a machine waiting to hit the stop button, my (even maybe your) butterflies would not stop fluttering against the surfaces of our skins. As crazy and unimaginable it was, I have never felt that lucky, that elated, ever in my life. Those unsteady, faltering moves that you make, the cautious fingers that quivered against my hips, even the absences of our exchange of I love yous made quiet a poignant reminder in my head. 

The sound of your breath then suddenly was audible to my ears as your mouth came closer to where mine were. I quickly closed my eyes, unwilling to see the unflattering distance between our faces and I began gracing along through the movement of your gawky lips. My body began to freeze as the fleeting euphoria; the reckless visceral feeling quickly filled my entire system. Our hands held tighter as I felt yours stiffened onto mine; the blood trickling against my spine paralyzed every bit of me as I followed through your every move.

It’s a funny, deceitful thing to have had felt what it feels like to have given someone a thimble. I went into a state of tizzy as my head rushed and whirled over the thoughts of what became a souvenir to my soul. I remembered it all too well; there could never be any other first kisses to replace that one intimately zealous, unconcealed love, which was once mine. I toss, flip, and throw away the long-lost sentiments in my head, realizing that is besets me all the more fervently.