16 July 2015

Memories of Winter

It’s been a long month and despite the winter break of my life, I grew exhausted. Just with trying to meet people’s expectations and please everyone just as I usually prone on doing. I mean I enjoyed it, I enjoyed the little spaces filled, the memories recalled, the people I come to terms with; but then again, I was just tired of trying hard to be around those who mattered to me. What if I really needed was just a space of my own to grow and to think? I missed my own little bubble I call home – my family and the spaces of the city I love to hate: Jakarta. Just about now, I’m longing for home; I need to be closer to where my comforts are. My final semester in Brisbane is just around the corner and I am more than excited that that’s coming soon. But I grew weary thinking that I was capable of working on my problems and solving the littlest riddles of life on my own. As my thoughts overruled, I was incapable of controlling them, I knew this frail heart of mine was incapable of bearing all the dregs of stories, problems, and miseries of my surroundings.

Just as I put those aside, I thought about the good things to do, fortunately. I thought about how amazing it was to reunite with the people dearest to me in Sydney and Melbourne. I gave my heart a go with the experiences I never thought I would take in life. I took chances, I crossed boundaries, I learned how to be a smart spender too for once. Life was easier that way, I liked the experiences because they take me to a greater height – it’s as though life was more than just the numbers in my university’s database, and the grades I earned the semester. For once, I learned how to stop and smell the flower and just enjoy the breeze and cold frigid air while I’m at it. I experienced challenges like never before – semester two has been a ride; I got my teeth broken with a wine glass, I made an impulsive decision to be home on the first week of the semester, I am learning to trust and give my heart to someone else, I had troubles at home, I took my friend back and forth to the airport due to flight cancellations, and I experienced more of the littlest of experiences in between that I knew were never going to come twice. In between those spaces, I thought, maybe these were the moments that were really shaping me in to who I am with them and without them. These experiences taught me so much of how I can always cherish my time, share my time, and sacrifice my time with an open and selfless heart. It doesn’t matter whom I was offering them to, just as long as I can always give my heart to people; I can and will experience contentment within my soul.

Winter break has been a ride and come to think of it, I will still be at Byron Bay next week and Jakarta the week after. It comes to no surprise that I am overwhelmingly blessed and fortunate enough to have seen so much of what the world offers. Yet only a handful is capable of seeing and stretching themselves into it and I’m more than thankful and glad that I am one of them. As tired and weary as I may be, being home in the next few weeks is all that I look forward now – and I look forward to all that’s coming, even as a new twenty-one year old in the next few days.