31 August 2014

I Love You?

“What?” He shot her his usual look, her heart skipping a beat as their eyes met. He placed his hands on her head as he gently stroked the dry and messy hair that was once jet-black, whilst actually starring vacantly towards the direction of her empty, tired eyes. They walked in silence for the next few minutes, sauntering around the neighborhood whilst enjoying the sun cascading light flares on their faces, squinting as it hit their eyes. They followed along the path, holding onto each other’s hands tighter. She smiled on the side of his face, merely kissing the cheeks that were molded into a slight grin of maybe, coy and happiness.

“I love you.” She told him as she rested her head onto his shoulders, putting her two hands around his waist.

“I love you too.” He replied. He smiled back sounding a little too hesitant about it. They continued to walk vacantly, finally reaching the park overlooking wonderful scenery of the city’s skyline. The leaves rustled quiet vigorously that fine afternoon as the wind blew onto their direction. Inseparable from his so-called presence, she wanted these moments to last a little bit longer.

They sat down, skyline directly ahead. They did not say much as they tried to just enjoy what was in front of them. Not any other thoughts crossed her mind that afternoon. Sitting down next to him was all that it mattered, nothing more. Being that desperate romantic whom fantasizes so much about the perfect moments, she felt that sense of contentment within it maybe a little too much. She wanted to find that sense of perfection, that utopic love that will one day exasperate her lungs and clog her veins and glitch her entire system. What she is experiencing is nothing more than a dysfunctional love filled with delusional and fragments of her idealistic portrayal of love.

Ironically, she had hoped for his love a little too much.  

Grabbing him by the arm, she rested her eyes while resting her head on his side. She never wanted to let go of him, as opposed to letting go of love. He was more than just her comfort zone and her bubble of security – he was becoming a parasite in her mind.

“Are you ever going to leave me?” She asked him a little too desperately, filling herself with hope and not realizing the expectations she has had all this time may be blinding her of the truth, maybe blinding her a little bit of what reality actually looks like.

He sighed, thinking about the lies he has build the years he was with her. The truth may seem distant from him and no more can he well up the dishonesties he has showed her all this time. She held him harder this time, now looking straight into his face, her eyes glassy from the tears she stifled.

“I don’t know how to tell you this. But I have grown to become the person I thought I was with you. But truth be told, I have grown into anything but the truth.” His eyes drooped. The red veins of her eyes continue to beset her eyes as the tears coincidentally flowed down her flawless complexion of her cheeks. She grew horrid and desperate, realizing that the truth were never there. She stared straight into his eyes, upset and disappointed of the two years she has experienced with him. More than so, her reality of her own perfect love was shattered in an instant. What was love for her now?

“I’m sorry. I have wanted to tell you this. But I haven’t been truthful. I loved you both and I was stuck in the middle of choosing.” He explained himself further not realizing that her moment with him had quickly taken an abrupt turn.

“I trusted you with everything I have.” She was more than just torn, crumpled and abandoned. The slits of his words and feigned actions seeped deep under her skin as it killed her insidiously. Her utopic, most perfect portrayal of a perfect relationship began to slowly erode away from her heart. All that she is left with is a mere frivolous, empty heart, experiencing an abrupt call of vulnerability. 

She was susceptible to the pain of the world. More than ever, she felt as human as she has never been.